Show don’t tell explained: With Examples

Hi guys, for the last few weeks, I’ve been blogging with suggestions of books to read and TV shows to watch. Today, I want to do something different. I’m going to share with you what I’ve learned about the infamous saying “Show don’t tell”. 

My fellow writing friends will be smiling right now, thinking “Yeah, I hear that every time I ask for feedback on my work. People always say, it’s good but too much telling, you need to show more.”

The first few times I got that feedback, I would scratch my head and wonder, what does that mean? Then I’d look it up and there would be vague information about it. Now that I have learned more about what it means, I want to share my experience with you. 

For my fellow bookworms, this may interest you as well as writers. How? Because haven’t you ever wondered how some authors are able to make you sit on the edge of your seat or feel like you are in the character’s mind when you read? I will be sharing the secret as to how they do it with you today.

What does “Show, don’t tell” mean?

As I’ve mentioned before, writers often hear the critique from their peers that you need to show more, there is too much telling. What that means is in your writing you are simply telling readers how the characters are feeling rather than letting us figure it out for ourselves based on their actions. 

Here’s an example of telling:

“You’ll never understand me.” I yelled before leaving the room, too upset to talk anymore. 

And here is showing: 

I slammed my hand down on the table, fed up with his games. “You’ll never understand me.” I stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind me. I was done.

In the first example, I am telling readers how the character feels but it doesn’t have as much impact as the second example because in the second one we can picture what she’s actually doing and we don’t have to be told she’s upset, we can see it.

How to recognize if you’re telling too much

When I finished writing and editing my first novel, I thought it was great! I couldn’t wait to get some feedback from fellow writers. There was a part of me that subconsciously thought it was already so good, there would be a lot of praise and not much people would say on how to improve. I got a good wake up call when I realized just how much I still had to learn. 😬

Today, I want to share with you guys the things I learned so it can help you out, the way others have helped me. Or if you’re a reader, you might find it interesting to see how changing the way you word things can impact how strongly you can visualize what’s going on in the story. 

One surefire way to know if you are telling when you should be showing is if you are constantly using emotion words. 

Example: 

• She angry. 
• He was sad. 
• I hated it when he did that. 

A great way to show emotion is through body language. Not only will it help you get rid of the emotion words but will help readers visualize what’s happening in the scene. In movies, the actors don’t simply stand still and talk to each other. They are constantly fidgeting, moving and making facial expressions. In writing, we don’t have the advantage of seeing what characters are doing and how they’re reacting, we just have to use our words to show the scene.

How to shift from telling to showing

Here’s a bit of a longer example of how to show emotion and character movements in a scene. This is from my work in progress, Cursed Eyes. If you want, you can read more about it on my works page. 

We were sitting together in fifth period when I decided I needed to just get over it and ask him; it was not that big of a deal. It’s not like I’m asking him out on a date or anything.

“Aiden?”

He was taking notes. “Hmm?”

“Are you free tonight?” I asked in a quiet voice.

He stopped writing for a second and smiled mischievously, then started writing again. “What’s that, I didn’t hear you?”

“I said, are you free tonight?” I said louder.

The two people sitting in the row in front of us turned their heads slightly; they were listening in. Aiden noticed too and took advantage of that.

“Yeah. Why, what’d you have in mind, angel?” He looked at me with an amused smile.

Oh, I see, you’re trying to embarrass me. I don’t embarrass easily; wait and see. “Baby, I was thinking maybe we can book reservations at a nice restaurant. I can pay for it. That’s why you haven’t taken me on a proper date yet, right?”

When someone in front choked on a laugh, I thought I was taking it too far, but his smile became more mischievous. It would clearly take more than that to offend or anger a guy like Aiden. Why is everyone so afraid of him?

“Sure, you pay for dinner and then I’ll pay for a hotel room. What do you say, doll, sound good?”

I looked away, my face on fire. That’s why. The people in front sat straight in their chairs and no longer looked like they were listening.

Notice how this scene accomplishes a few things. First of all, it doesn’t have any emotion words, so it’s up to the reader to judge how the characters are feeling, yet their actions make it obvious enough to figure out. Another added benefit of writing this way is that if you notice, there are only 2 dialog tags in their whole conversation. Readers and writers will agree that overuse of dialog tags like he said, I said, she exclaimed, etc. takes you out of the story, so you want to avoid them as much as you can. 

You don’t need the dialog tags if you use action tags instead. 

For example in this line, we know Aiden is the one talking and we can imagine what he’s doing while he’s talking to her. He stopped writing for a second and smiled mischievously, then started writing again. “What’s that, I didn’t hear you?”

So what’s the takeaway?

It may take time to learn the concept of show, don’t tell, but taking the time to learn it will be beneficial for you and the readers who enjoy your books. 

I’m gonna give you guys some homework. Go through your manuscript (or if you’re a reader, your favorite book) and pay attention to how many times action tags are present instead of dialog tags, and how little or how often emotion words are used. This is one of the first steps of learning how to read like a writer. I’ll do a more detailed blog on that another day.

One article I thought was did a great job covering this topic was written by Jerry Jenkins, read it here.

What is one book that you felt did a great job of pulling you into the scenes as if you were actually there?